"I Want to See you Be Brave"

Lyrics from "Brave", by Sara Bareilles.

You can be amazing
You can turn a phrase into a weapon or a drug
You can be the outcast
Or be the backlash of somebody's lack of love
Or you can start speaking up

My son showed me the video for this amazing song. I hadn't heard it before, but it spoke to me, so deeply in my soul, that it felt like the anthem I didn't know I needed.
 

Nothing's gonna hurt you
The way that words do
When they settle 'neath your skin
Kept on the inside
No sunlight
Sometimes a shadow wins

Regardless of the roles I have taken on in my life, at my core, I am a writer. Words have always been my anchor. They are the way I understand the world and make sense of my feelings.

When I was young, and I'd try to express being hurt or disappointed by something someone said, I was always told I was 'too sensitive' and that I shouldn't take things so seriously. The message I got was that I couldn't trust my own perceptions. From the perspective of adulthood, I understand my parents didn't mean to cause such confusion. They only wanted me to be happy, and were afraid of their own intense feelings.

But I wonder what would happen
If you say what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly, I want to see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly, I want to see you be brave

When I returned to keeping a journal as an adult, I promised myself that I would write in the moment, with full honesty. Even (especially) if I was struggling with uncomfortable and negative emotions. It was extremely difficult at first. I was raised to minimize feelings. "You don't really feel that way." "It's not that big of a deal." "It won't matter in a year from now." Just acknowledging that I had to right to my feelings was frighteningly liberating.

I just want to see you
I just want to see you
I just want to see you
I want to see you be brave
I just want to see you
I just want to see you
I just want to see you
I want to see you be brave

Yes. This is so unbelievably important. I wish I could have heard this when I was struggling in my teens, knowing there was this enormous disconnect between my outward face and my inward life. I spent so many years being so lost and afraid.

Everybody's been there
Everybody's been stared down by the enemy
Fallen for the fear
And done some disappearing
Bowed down to the mighty

Don't run
Stop holding your tongue
Maybe there's a way out of the cage where you live
Maybe one of these days you can let the light in
Show me how big your brave is

I don't hide from myself anymore. It's taken me much of my adult life to get here. Every word I write, whether it's here on my blog, in my private journals, my poetry, or in my fiction, is an act of bravery.

Say what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly, I want to see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly, I want to see you be brave
And since your history of silence
Won't do you any good
Did you think it would?
Let your words be anything but empty
Why don't you tell them the truth?

And even more important, is telling yourself the truth. And in that truth telling, to be gentle with yourself. Truth does not equal cruelty. That's one of the lies I carried from my childhood. I believed all the hateful messages I heard from others; believed them so strongly, they became my internal voice too.

I spent too many years confused and frightened, hating myself.

Not anymore.

Not anymore.

Say what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly, I want to see you be brave
With what you want to say
And let the words fall out
Honestly, I want to see you be brave
I just want to see you
I just want to see you
I just want to see you
I want to see you be brave
I just want to see you
I just want to see you
I just want to see you
See you be brave
I just want to see you
I just want to see you
I just want to see you
I just want to see you
I just want to see you
I just want to see you

(Italicized sections lyrics from Sara Bareilles' Brave.  From her "Blessed Unrest" Album.
(If you're an amazon rather than an itunes person, you can buy it as a CD or MP3 here, too.)