Here comes the fear again. . .

Here comes the rain again
Raining in my head like a tragedy
Tearing me apart like a new emotion--From "Here comes the rain again" by the Eurythmics

Apologies to Annie Lenox - today this is running through my head with a slight change. . . Here comes the fear again.

Tomorrow I have a book release. I have done everything within my power to make TIME AND TITHE a strong book: multiple drafts, beta readers, revisions, professional editing, professional cover art, careful formatting and typography. I am proud of this story.

I am proud of this story.

I am proud of the publishing imprint I created and the professional product I am able to produce.

I am excited to have this book find its readers.

And I am afraid that it won't.

This is part and parcel of being an artist. Fear lives side by side with the ecstasy of creation. 

I've hardly ever begun a year with a gloomier aspect, in a gloomier mood, and I do not expect any future of success, but a future of strife.

and:

In the same way, in the matter of art, the problem, “Am I an artist or am I not?” must not induce us not to draw or not to paint. Many things defy definition, and I consider it wrong to fritter one's time away on them. Certainly when one's work does not go smoothly and one is checked by difficulties, one gets bogged in the morass of such thoughts and insoluble problems. And because one feels sorely troubled by it, the best thing to do is to conquer the cause of the distraction by acquiring a new insight into the practical part of the work.

From the letters of Van Gogh

I am a writer. I have always know this; it just took me until my 40s to understand that no matter what else I did in my life, that was my 'true north.' Years ago, when I was struggling to find an agent, a friend asked me if I would continue to write even if no one read my books. It was a question I had to give a lot of thought to. Would I write? Yes. After all, I have kept a journal and written poetry since I was a child with little to no expectation that those words would be shared. Would I write novels? Maybe not.

There is a difference between pure self-expression and creating art. For me, art is a constructivist process; it is not complete until it is received, until the reader (in the case of stories) makes a very personal connection to the work and finds their own meaning in it.

So, for me, a book that is not read has failed in its mission.

Which brings me back to the fear. What if no one reads TIME AND TITHE? What if it quietly sinks into obscurity like so many books that are published to a handful of sales and then nothing? Of the three (soon to be four) novels I have published, one has become successful - that is, it found a large readership of passionate readers, so I know the thrill of closing that loop between artist and audience. It's like a drug high. And I desperately want it again. I want my stories and my characters to matter to people. I want to share the ecstasy of creation, as readers discover something that speaks to them in what I have written.

The fear that it won't is a terrible companion. 

Part of writing this post was an exercise in banishing those demons - shining light on them and naming them in a way to rob them of their power.

And as an act of defiance, I will write today. I will write tomorrow. And the next day. 

---

TIME AND TITHE is available now for pre-order and will be available for purchase on Tuesday, February 10th.

What it takes to be a publisher

Hats. I wear a lot of them these days.
Photo by Erkut Hancı cc license (CC BY 2.0)

I had a long conversation with Sharon Bially last week - a fellow writer who also happens to be a book publicist - and she remarked that I had a very interesting 'story' to share: that of forming a publishing imprint and wearing the dual hats of writer and publisher.

And it got me thinking that I should talk about what it means to be a publisher, both to outline the necessary steps in the process as my own reminder, but also to share that information with fellow writers and readers.

So I thought I'd write a series of posts, starting with the reasons I created Interrobang Books and what I hope to accomplish with it.

Going Indie

Unless you've been living on an island in the middle of the Bermuda Triangle without access to any media or the internet, I don't have to tell you about the massive changes to the publishing industry over the past ten years. When I started writing my first novel in 2004, I certainly didn't imagine I'd be publishing my own work. Remember, this was the time when self-publishing equaled vanity publishing.

In 2004, publishing really only meant one thing: that a writer had sold a manuscript to a publisher (typically through a literary agent), and that manuscript would, in a year to a year and half, be transformed into a physical book. The other option was to pay a hefty price to have a carton of books printed and if you were lucky (or persuasive enough) you might sell them, one at a time, to friends and neighbors. But in those years, this path was reserved for writers whose books weren't ready for prime time, or for your local organization's fundraiser cookbook.

EBooks didn't really exist in 2004. This was three years before Amazon released its first e-ink kindle, when reading electronically pretty much meant a pdf on your computer. There were early adopters of PDAs, but ebooks weren't common or easily available.


That first novel I finished wasn't anywhere near ready for prime time, though I didn't know that then. I did query agents for it. Shockingly, I got several requests for partial and full manuscripts, but nothing ever came of it. I kept writing and kept querying. My 3rd manuscript was the story that helped me sign with my then agent. Five years (and five novels later), she and I parted ways for a variety of reasons. I could cite changes and consolidation in the industry that narrowed the scope of what was being published, but at the end of the day, she and I weren't a match for one another.

During our partnership, even as she went out on submission for multiple projects, I was watching the world around me change and shift. EBooks became more popular and easier to access. Book stores were closing. Publishers were buying one another out in mergers. Software and sales channels that hadn't existed before suddenly made publishing  accessible in the way that word processors had made writing easier.

So by the time the agent and I broke our formal relationship, I had the knowledge, the technology, and the backlist to become my own publisher. 

The Name and the Message

I chose the name, Interrobang Books, because I have always loved the concept of the 'interrobang'. It is an old printer's mark, consisting of a question mark (the interrogative) and an exclamation mark (the bang). It was used, among other purposes, to denote a combination of delight and surprise.

If I have a 'brand', it is in writing character-driven stories set in worlds that don't quite exist so I can both delight and surprise the reader.

There's a lot of talk about 'brand' and 'platform' among writers these days. I look at it as a very simple issue: it's about intention and integrity. In everything I do, either as a writer or a publisher, I strive for authenticity. My 'message' is consistent, whether it is in a blog post, a status update, or a new novel.

The Mission

So when I started thinking about becoming a publisher, my overriding goal was to produce books that were professional quality in all their aspects. And that meant making a commitment to all parts of the process, from assessing the readiness of a manuscript, to editing, to proofreading, to formatting, to typography, to design, to cover art.

Part of any job is understanding the scope of the work and knowing your limitations.

I had the skills and the knowledge to be competent in some of those tasks. Others I knew I could learn. Some, however, I needed to outsource. I have no talent for drawing or painting. I can't even take a good photograph. So creating covers was not a job I would even attempt. And while I am a decent editor, I am not a professional editor, nor do I believe most writers can edit their own work effectively. Typography and formatting are skills I am good at (a misspent youth doing layout for a college literary magazine and yearbook), and I have learned to be even better.

One of the biggest challenges to being both an author and a publisher is in separating the tasks from ego.  When wearing my 'writer' hat, I need to be in love with the story. Engaging any sort of critical mindset is anathema to the initial creative process. But when it comes time to assess the marketability of a project, well, that takes a very different eye and a very different sensibility. And a whole lot of work.

But that's another post for another day.