Insecurity, Redux

photo by hjhipster, used with permission under creative commons license

So I've formatted my novel in epub and mobi formats and sent out the first chapter as a teaser to subscribers of Blue Musings, my e-newsletter.  That means there's no turning back.  I've made a commitment to publish this novel in January of 2012.

Then I ended up staring up at the ceiling a few nights ago wanting to chew my nails up to my elbows.  My inner critic voice was in its full hostile glory.

Your writing sucks.
Who are you to publish a novel?
No one is going to want to read it.
Who are you kidding?
There are thousands of books better than yours.

It continued from there, leaving me feeling much like the poor dachshund in this photo. 

All I could do was take big deep breaths.  Directly confronting that taunting voice would only give it more power.  But I could and did remind myself that it is not up to me if people read and enjoy my work.  All that is up to me is to write the best story I can write with the resources I have in the moment.  This I did in writing The Between. 

At the end of the day, it is a story I am proud of and am eager to share.  Whether it succeeds with readers or is ignored doesn't change who I am.  Nor will it derail me from writing the next story and continuing to work on my craft.

That terrible insecurity can only harm us if we give it the power to do so.